Is it Vegan? Organic Lollipops

This is a new segment inspired by Sam, Lunchbox and Dylan (and Hansol, too!)

I was at work and just happily working away when I heard someone call my name.

“Hey, Meggan! Is this vegan?”

I turned around to see who was asking me and assumed it to be the beginning of a joke, like perhaps they were holding up a picture of a dog licking another dogs butt. But there sat a group of my favorites, looking bright eyed and oh-s0-innocent holding up a can of Kern’s nectar or Goldfish pretzels or lollipops or some other random food item.

“Let me see the ingredients,” I replied.

After examining the slightly disturbing list, I paused, deliberating over how exactly to deliver my answer.

“Well…. it is technically vegan, but I still wouldn’t eat it.”

“What? Why? Is it because it’s not organic?”

“Yes… But also mostly because of these 2 words: natural flavors.”

Dude, natural flavors are far from natural. Those 2 words can contain 28 or more different chemicals, compounds and fragrances.

“A natural flavor,” says Terry Acree, a professor of food science at Cornell University, “is a flavor that’s been derived with an out-of-date technology.” Natural flavors and artificial flavors sometimes contain exactly the same chemicals, produced through different methods. Amyl acetate, for example, provides the dominant note of banana flavor. When it is distilled from bananas with a solvent, amyl acetate is a natural flavor. When it is produced by mixing vinegar with amyl alcohol and adding sulfuric acid as a catalyst, amyl acetate is an artificial flavor. Either way it smells and tastes the same….
A natural flavor is not necessarily more healthful or purer than an artificial one. When almond flavor — benzaldehyde — is derived from natural sources, such as peach and apricot pits, it contains traces of hydrogen cyanide, a deadly poison…. Natural and artificial flavors are now manufactured at the same chemical plants, places that few people would associate with Mother Nature.
-Eric Schlosser, in his book Fast Food Nation.

Either way… Eating something that has added flavoring, “natural” or otherwise, indicates you are eating a highly processed food…. Which as a level 10 vegan, I just can’t do.

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Vegan Mac n’ cheez

I used to love cheesy noodles, all warm and melty… Lately I’ve been craving something comforting like Mac n’ cheese, but I can’t hang with that boxed stuff, even if it is technically vegan. So I whipped up some delicious gluten free pasta with a cheesy sauce I created. If you are expecting this to taste exactly like salty cow fat, get over it. It doesn’t. It tastes like warm, nutritious deliciousness and I can totally hang with that.

Boil water for pasta. Cook pasta. When pasta is just cooked add chopped broccoli and zucchini, then drain immediately.

While pasta is cooking
Combine in blender:
2 tbsp hemp seeds or cashews
1/4 cup nutritional yeast
1/3 small red bell pepper
Dashes of pink salt, onion and garlic powders, or whatever spices you like
Turmeric for color
Enough water to get to your desired consistency, about 1/4 to 1/2 cup

Mix everything until smooth. Pour over noodles and vegetables. Stay a child forever.

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Level 5 Vegan. I don’t eat anything that casts a shadow.

Remember that episode of the Simpsons, when Lisa falls for the hippie tree-hugger dude, who says he is a level 5 vegan who “pocket mulches.”  I mean, I dont pocket mulch…. yet…. but I am pretty sure I have vegan super powers. So what level vegan are you? Take this quiz to find out!

1. When I go to the grocery store, I:

a. Read the ingredients on everything! Don’t want any trans fats sneaking into my arteries!

b. Grocery store? I just eat whatever my mom brings home…. from wherever food comes from.

c. Grocery store? Please! I bring my canvas bags to the farmers market for whatever fresh vegetables I didn’t grow in my own garden this year!

2. My main source of protein is:

a. Energy bars!

b. Cheeseburgers!

c. 12 sprouted almonds and spirulina supplements.

3. When it comes to composting, I:

a. Think it’s a great idea, I just can’t stand the smell!

b. Isn’t that a fancy word for poop?

c. Pocket mulch.

4. I recycle:

a. Everything I can! My bin is overflowing.

b. I have one bin: trash.

c. I live a zero-waste lifestyle and generate no trash whatsoever. Everything is reused or pocket mulched.

5. The clothes and shoes in my closet:

a. Are all up to date, cute, and I even have some organic T-shirts!

b. Are leather, denim and/or black.

c. Are made entirely out of fair-trade organically grown hemp, that I wove into fabric myself.

6. When it comes to transportation:

a. I drive an economical vehicle or hybrid.

b. I drive a monster truck jacked up on some huge tires.

c. I gave up my car because of animal products in the tires, and I couldn’t deal with the guilt of crushing bugs or other innocent creatures while driving.

Great job! You have finished the quiz! Now, to total your score, give yourself 2 points for every “a” answer, 1 point for every “b” answer, and 3 points for every “c” answer. Then find which level you fall into below.

6 points- The Level 1 Vegan: You are not actually vegan at all, and probably don’t even know what the word means. Not sure how you found this page.

7 points- The Level 2 Vegan: Still not actually vegan, but you may be aware that vegans exist. You may even know a vegan or two.

8 points- The Level 3 Vegan: Has a meat free meal at least once a week, usually due to budget limitations.

9 points- The Level 4 Vegan: You have eaten vegan or vegetarian food, and possibly enjoyed it. Cheese pizza counts as vegetarian.

10 points- The Level 5 Vegan: Otherwise known as the “fake-atarian.” Includes vegetables in the diet, and usually “only” eats fish or chicken.

11 points- The Level 6 Vegan: The accidental vegetarian or “freegan.”  Eats whatever is available, as long as someone else bought it.

12 points- The Level 7 Vegan: Just another way of saying vegetarian. Doesn’t ask when eating out if there are eggs in the bread.

13 points- The Level 8 Vegan: The junk-food vegan. Oreos are technically vegan.

14 points- The Level 9 Vegan: The frozen aisle vegan. Kashi’s frozen meals have become the preferred alternative to Oreos.

15 points- The Level 10 Vegan: Moving up from frozen to fresh! You keep fresh fruits and veggies on hand for snacks.

16 points- The Level 11 Vegan: Organic, fresh and fair-trade are the most common vocabulary words in this vegan’s diet.

17 points- The Level 12 Vegan: Raw vegan. Cooking food with fire is for cavemen.

18 points- The Level 13 Vegan: Being this vegan makes it hard to be a member of normal society. You most likely spend most of your time in a cave, meditating.

I’m a level 10 vegan. How do you stack up?